Snowplow

Since this entry will be available for you while i'm in Hawaii, I will say here I am torn between hoping that if it's going to snow again, it does so while I'm away and praying that Philly doesn't have to deal with more snow this year.

All this talk about watching the mind may be useful in yoga class yet, how does this work when in the throes of an unpleasant experience in the real world? Maybe this tale will help:

The Methow valley (see above pic) this year has yet to see normal amounts of snowfall and is seeing warmer than average temperatures. (We may have gotten more snow in Philly!) That being said, there are still places to enjoy all those winter sports like cross-country skiing. During my visit to the Methow valley over the holidays, I went cross-country skiing for the second time as an adult. The first was here back in March. This run was at a snow park called 'South Summit' with groomed trails. Made it up fine, knew there would be downhill that I was looking forward and once we got to the top. My friends gave me a couple of quick pointers: the ski tracks were going to run out at this one point on the hill, so after that, snowplow to slow down or just fall to your side. Great. Sounds easy. I quickly realized I was unprepared for the steepness and speed of the descent.

The snow was icy and the tracks were too fast for me. It took less than a minute to realize I had no idea how to snowplow. I felt like a baby fawn finding it's legs for the first time (picture Bambi falling on the ice over and over). What's a girl to do? I tried, and tried, and tried...falling to the side, on my bottom, on my knees, on my bottom again, and again. Then I started getting frustrated. Ok...in the momoent: i'm watching myself in this learning process, mindful of my thoughts and emotions. I hear myself saying, 'god, maureen, you should be able to do something this simple...what's wrong with you?' I would respond by telling myself, 'ok, i'm learning, give myself space...' Or I would start praying for divine intervention. And then I would fall again. I felt my pride welling up bruised, very aware of the two men in front of me, patiently waiting (or were they just pretending patience and inside they were laughing?). I stayed with the effort...i kinda had to or be carried down the hill...and was mindful, focused, and determined. Then I saw my fellow skiers waiting for me. I stood up, tried to ski down and fell again right at their feet. Then I tried to stand up and I fell again. OK, enough is enough and the frustration boiled over. I wish I had a sound recording for you here, there was a lot of cursing and muttering and shaking of my head and arms. I probably would have kicked my feet too if they weren't attached to skis! Then, I got up and continued falling the rest of the way down the hill. I was overjoyed at the bottom that my friend had filled a couple of large thermos' with spiked hot chocolate. It never tasted so good.

How did mindfulness work here? It allowed me to be present with what I was experiencing. It allowed me to find space in the discomfort and it allowed the emotions of frustration and fear to pass through without being held on to and amplified even further. And then when I was at the bottom, I was still present. I was able to hold myself in the space I was in, not trying to be other than I was, honoring the challenge I was faced with.

Mindfulness isn't about always being happy and content. It's about accepting the moment as it is, in its entirety, and creating space for you to decide how you are going to act.

I can't wait to get back out there...for now, however, the jungles of Hawaii!
Namaste. Jai!