Help is on the Way

While knowledge of the vrittis is helpful, I have found it more helpful to be aware of the obstacles to a clear mind instead of focusing on which category of thought I am in. Let me know if you who are reading this have never experienced the following (and if you haven't, I would love to meet you!): Cravings, aversions, fear, ignorance, ego.
(in sanskrit: raga, dvesha, abhinivesha, avidya, asmita)

These are the kleshas, or obstacles to clear thought. Obstacles to the truth that we are not our thoughts, discussed at length at the beginning of the second chapter of the Sutras. I find it is often easier to catch myself in one of these states of mind, often several times a day, and when I do, I can say, “Oh, here's an obstacle, here's a chance to come back to the center of the wheel.” In that moment of awareness, I create a space between the thought and my mind's, body's, and/or spirit's reaction to that thought. In that space I have an opportunity to choose something different. Of course, in some moments it is easier to be aware than others and even in those moments of clear awareness, I can still choose to act from the illusion that mind and Self are the same. So, it's not about stopping thoughts, banishing these obstacles, or always choosing the 'higher path' (whatever that is), it's about creating space.

Think of a tiger in a cage, pacing and restless. Hardly an image of contentment. Give that tiger a bigger cage, or better yet, free it from its limitations, and it will find contentment and peace. Our spirit is like this tiger, when caged it is restless. The limiting forms of our thoughts create the cage and so, the more we allow our Self to be defined by limited beliefs, the smaller, stronger, more secure the cage and the more agitated the tiger becomes. I have found that simply being aware of when my mind is engaged in limiting thought, (when I catch myself craving, or in fear or any of the other kleshas) even if I still choose to act from this belief, it creates an opening in the cage. It creates a space for me to recognize that I am not that which I think, I am not my cravings, I am something more...there is another possibility for my Being, for freedom (moksha).

May you know your greatest joy and experience freedom of being,
Namaste.

(as an aside, i just discovered taking amino acid supplements can help with sugar cravings!)

Snowplow

Since this entry will be available for you while i'm in Hawaii, I will say here I am torn between hoping that if it's going to snow again, it does so while I'm away and praying that Philly doesn't have to deal with more snow this year.

All this talk about watching the mind may be useful in yoga class yet, how does this work when in the throes of an unpleasant experience in the real world? Maybe this tale will help:

The Methow valley (see above pic) this year has yet to see normal amounts of snowfall and is seeing warmer than average temperatures. (We may have gotten more snow in Philly!) That being said, there are still places to enjoy all those winter sports like cross-country skiing. During my visit to the Methow valley over the holidays, I went cross-country skiing for the second time as an adult. The first was here back in March. This run was at a snow park called 'South Summit' with groomed trails. Made it up fine, knew there would be downhill that I was looking forward and once we got to the top. My friends gave me a couple of quick pointers: the ski tracks were going to run out at this one point on the hill, so after that, snowplow to slow down or just fall to your side. Great. Sounds easy. I quickly realized I was unprepared for the steepness and speed of the descent.

The snow was icy and the tracks were too fast for me. It took less than a minute to realize I had no idea how to snowplow. I felt like a baby fawn finding it's legs for the first time (picture Bambi falling on the ice over and over). What's a girl to do? I tried, and tried, and tried...falling to the side, on my bottom, on my knees, on my bottom again, and again. Then I started getting frustrated. Ok...in the momoent: i'm watching myself in this learning process, mindful of my thoughts and emotions. I hear myself saying, 'god, maureen, you should be able to do something this simple...what's wrong with you?' I would respond by telling myself, 'ok, i'm learning, give myself space...' Or I would start praying for divine intervention. And then I would fall again. I felt my pride welling up bruised, very aware of the two men in front of me, patiently waiting (or were they just pretending patience and inside they were laughing?). I stayed with the effort...i kinda had to or be carried down the hill...and was mindful, focused, and determined. Then I saw my fellow skiers waiting for me. I stood up, tried to ski down and fell again right at their feet. Then I tried to stand up and I fell again. OK, enough is enough and the frustration boiled over. I wish I had a sound recording for you here, there was a lot of cursing and muttering and shaking of my head and arms. I probably would have kicked my feet too if they weren't attached to skis! Then, I got up and continued falling the rest of the way down the hill. I was overjoyed at the bottom that my friend had filled a couple of large thermos' with spiked hot chocolate. It never tasted so good.

How did mindfulness work here? It allowed me to be present with what I was experiencing. It allowed me to find space in the discomfort and it allowed the emotions of frustration and fear to pass through without being held on to and amplified even further. And then when I was at the bottom, I was still present. I was able to hold myself in the space I was in, not trying to be other than I was, honoring the challenge I was faced with.

Mindfulness isn't about always being happy and content. It's about accepting the moment as it is, in its entirety, and creating space for you to decide how you are going to act.

I can't wait to get back out there...for now, however, the jungles of Hawaii!
Namaste. Jai!

The Spirit of Aloha

Tomorrow I head to the islands of Hawaii. (insert squeal of excitement) This will be my first visit back since i stayed on the Big Island for three months in 2003...come to think of it, I'll be a new person upon my return as our entire body regenerates itself every seven years! (how did they discover that?) I find myself thinking of where i was in my life then and where i am now. That trip was life-changing for me. Before Hawaii, I spent little time being self-aware, I had only dabbled in yoga...and truthfully, it's hard to remember much of my life before then! I think most of it was spent in a haze of smoke and drink. During Hawaii, I was touched by the goddess Pele. It was the first time i was eating fresh, organic food, breathing fresh air, drinking fresh water. After Hawaii, life felt more vibrant & I started the Barbara Brennan school that same year. I remember nights awake in the little bungalow I had rented feeling the changes taking place within. Often I feel the cells of my body vibrating and my dreams were vivid and lucid. I have a feeling this trip will be no less transformative as my beloved and I frolic in paradise. I'm trying to find a balance between planning and allowing the unknown to take place.

Many of you have heard how important intention is to me so here is my intention, stated as clearly as i can: Fun, laughter, love, yoga and meditation, breathing in the beauty and reaching yet another level of intimacy with myself and my partner. I'd like to spend time envisioning the next phase of my life.
I'll let you know how it goes!

Oh! and for those who are intensely dreaming of the islands...or any other dream location on our planet, I highly recommend Google Earth.

Aloha!
and Mahalo for reading!

Turn, Turn, Turn

As it is often helpful to have a map when exploring new territory, I'd like to return to a discussion of the yoga sutras by talking about the turnings of the mind. What are these vritti that cloud our perception, allowing us to believe we are limited creatures, and how do we know begin to know them?

For this discussion, I find it helpful to tune in to the image of a wagon wheel. I first came across this image in the Jivamukti Yoga book and many of you have heard me speak of it. Basically, much of our experience happens at the outer edge of this wheel, the ups & downs, the bumps in the road, the smoothly paved path before us, etc. The goal of yoga is to find ourselves at the center of the wheel so while we are still aware & conscious of that which happens on the outer edge, we may not be pulled and/or pushed by our experiences and thoughts. We can remain calm and connected in our center.

Sutra I.5 states that the mind turns in five basic ways which are either painful or painless: “Vrittayah panchatayyah klishta-aklishtah.” Here, 'painful' and 'painless' must not be confused with happy and unhappy or pleasure and lack of pleasure. Happy and pleasurable events can still bring us pain. For example, love can lead to heart break, which can then lead to a great awakening; we can become very uncomfortable after the joy of a pleasurable meal, etc. The sutras go on to discuss these five categories: correct knowledge, incorrect knowledge, imagination, sleep and memory. At any given time are minds are spinning one of these ways of thinking.

The Sutras continue:
Sutra I.12 Turnings of the mind (vrittis) are restrained by practice and non-attachment.
Sutra I.13 Of these two, effort toward steadiness of mind is practice.

Whatever you do that slows your mind so you can watch the thoughts, if it's knitting, if you knit with total focus on the task, this is also your yoga. However, if you knit because it allows you to 'check out,' than this is something else entirely. Think of this as slowing the wheel down to inspect it for wear and tear. You don't have to be on your mat or sitting somewhere with your legs crossed and your eyes closed to be practicing steadiness of mind. You could be in traffic, you could be in line at the grocery store. As you practice in these small ways, it ingrains the habit in your mind and soon you will be aware of your thoughts more often than not.

In my own life, I used to berate myself for not sitting at least 20 minutes a day until I realized the goal of this sitting was to create mindfulness in all the other little moments. Now I find myself more willing to sit still, allowing my mind and spirit to integrate all that I have been aware of throughout the day. The significance of this comes back to the sutras: Whatever you enjoy doing that allows the mind to come into complete focus so it is not running around like a crazy monkey, this is your yoga. Has any good ever come from crazy monkeys running around amok?

Being aware of our thoughts all the time may be a stretch but look at it this way: If your car has broken down, don't you spend the time and money to get it fixed? If you are in love, don't you spend countless joyful days and weeks on end getting to know every detail of that person? Why don't we do this for ourselves?

Something to contemplate until next time. Jai!

Looking for Inspiration

I'm surrounded by information: I have about 5 books I am in some stage of reading and the infinite space of the internet is but a flip of the laptop away. I keep looking for answers, for the clarity that will shine light on the path I am to take to joy and freedom. However, the more I desire clarity and knowing and the deeper I dive into my search for information, the more I realize the answer is to sit still and inspire myself through breath. Have I done that yet? Well, i'll get to it in yoga class today. So why am I not breathing, inspiring myself right now?

Perhaps it has to do with the coffee. First caffeinated cup in 2 weeks. Perhaps it's knowing i'll be in class in an hour. Perhaps (and I suspect this is the winner) I am afraid of what i'll hear or how I will be moved. Did your mind/heart have a blip of, 'that doesn't make sense?' How can you want something and be afraid to attain it at the same time? Marianne Williamson said this: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Sit with this for a moment. Feel into the truth of this. Yes, there are moments where we fear we are 'less than___' or we are shamed for not being ___ yet, think about something that you've always wanted. Feel it, taste it, hear it, see it. Now ask yourself, why am I not moving toward this? At some point you will feel the fear of actually attaining that which brings us pleasure and joy.

Now this concept could be a trigger for more negative feelings: shame, anger, sadness. Or, it could free us and motivate us to stop delaying and move toward joy. The choice is ours. The choice is always ours no matter how our external circumstances seem.

I hope this inspires you to move toward your joy. I hope this inspires to reach for your dreams and let your light shine brightly. Let's enjoy some adventures together as we move into our joy. inhale, exhale