The Scarecrow Knows

I find that when I start writing about a subject, I'm filled with ideas and the path of the story seems quite clear. Then I start thinking about what I'm writing and I begin to understand it in a different way and the seemingly clear path is suddenly full of twists and turns. I say this because I had what I thought was a clear vision in a discussion of characterology and the masochist is now filled with twists and turns. I feel like i'm standing at the intersection and the Scarecrow hasn't yet revealed which way to go.

Part of the difficulty is that I've been reading this book about forgiveness and learning how to forgive myself for all the masochistic behaviors I've been indulging in. In that process, my focus has been shifting toward understanding the process of forgiveness and away from the details of my self-defeating beliefs. However, I believe the two lines of inner-space exploration may merge down the road, but how can one take two different roads at the same time to find where they meet? I hear Scarecrow say: Take the middle road.

Before I step down that path, here's a story I recently read illustrating the middle road (sorry, can't remember where): Mozart asked Haydn if he could play this particular piece of music. Haydn began playing and reached a point of the piece where he was supposed to play a note in the middle of the scale when one hand was far into the low notes and the other was far into the high notes. He claimed to Mozart, 'This is impossible, no one can play this!' Mozart replied, 'I can,' and proceeded to sit at the piano. When it came to the difficult center note he bent over and hit the key with his nose.

So here's to finding the center note with my nose. Jai!

The Great Wall of Inner Space

The character structure I am singling out in this entry is one of the toughest to work with, in my opinion, though that may be because I have known it intimately as a part of myself. However, I feel that in order to become a kinder, more peaceful culture, we need to address these parts of ourselves and be kind to those that identify with this character strongly. This is the Masochist character. Yes, another friendly name. This persona is the sensitive one of the bunch. They are emotionally intuitive, highly creative and tenaciously persistent. 

Unfortunately, at some point in their development, as they tried to express their uniqueness, they were deeply humiliated or shamed and as a way to protect themselves, they built walls within that contain their big hearts and spirits. These walls work two ways. First, they prevent external energies from getting in so that another humiliation cannot reach into and effect the inner self. They also contain the person's essence which prevents the inner self from shining out. As such, those with this character structure find it difficult to express their individuality or allow their creativity to flow. Also, when one has negative thoughts or feelings, rather than being allowed to flow outward, they are turned inward to self. Hence, the 'masochism', the ability to bring pain to oneself. Here we become our own worst enemy. Here we reduce, compact, hide our free spirit and our energy becomes stagnant. In order to feel something real, these characters often provoke those around them so they can say, 'ha ha, you can't get me' and feel justified in retreating within.

I feel this is the toughest to work with because of the internal conflict created by the belief that Self must be hidden and denied though there is a longing for free expression of the same Self. There's a feeling that 'I must' express (blank), but “I won't.” Think of a caged, agitated animal pacing back and forth. It doesn't realize the door to the cage is unlocked and can easily open. It doesn't realize it's free.

These guys often create external situations that reflect their pain rather than dealing with the source. They may 'stuff' or overload themselves with negativity, unhealthy food, too much work, etc. When I think of the obesity epidemic in this country, I feel that this character and these issues need to come to the surface. We need to let our kids freely express themselves and not have them worrying about what they look like, or whether they have the latest, greatest gadget. We also need to learn, as a culture, to nourish ourselves with healthy foods and thoughts. Banging ourselves constantly into the walls of the inner fortress is no longer working. I thought this country was founded by those trying to escape repression and domination and a couple hundred years later, we've created our own version. We have forgotten we are free to make our own choices and express our unique creations.

More to come...i'll share more of how I have known this character in my own life as I re-learn the power healthy choice and expression.

Characters

When I was in school, we spent lots of time learning about character structures. These are five basic ways that we structure our energy based on our defense patterns and our greatest gifts. We all are a blend of these five structures yet we tend to favor one or two of them. When I was first learning them, I identified with the Rigid structure. This structure holds a belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with who they really are so they create a mask of perfection to prevent anyone from finding out. The gift of this structure, when they can accept themselves as they are, is to become the archetypal adventurer and hero, easily inspiring and leading others. 

After working with this character within and through the grace of objective awareness and self-study (svadhyaya in the yoga world), I realized that I was such a Schizoid, I didn't even know it! The Schizoid character likes to vacate the physical body energetically. This is the person who, even though they are smiling and nodding, seeming intent on your conversation, you get a sense that they are far, far away. Though this pattern was created by an existential fear that to exist means to die, their gifts include being able to understand and connect to the oneness of all life. They are quite creative and imaginative and are usually sensitive to the 'vibes' of whatever situation they find themselves in. After working with this character structure so that I felt more at home in the physical world, which not incidentally was greatly helped by my yoga practice, I began to discover how the other characterologies worked in my life.  
 

Next, the Oral character showed up. I believe this is one of the most common, one that we have all experienced at some point in our lives. This character is the one that believes there is never enough. We are not good enough, we will never have enough, and we are 'less than' fill in the blank here. Those who identify with this character tend to be highly intelligent, very articulate, and are natural teachers. They are also sensitive to issues of injustice.

The one I identify with the least, though it has certainly revealed itself on occasion, is the Psychopath character. I still wish there was a friendlier name for this structure but that could simply my own bias to this energy pattern. These characters are leaders. They have vision though unfortunately they may pull many of us down, or walk over us, to achieve their goals. This is the part of us that must be right or we shall die. The flip side is demonstrated in this character's ability to be straightforward, to uphold noble values, and to manage complicated projects. They are also sensitive to power/control issues and have sweet, tender hearts.

Finally, there is so much to say about the fifth character structure, the Masochist, that it's going to get its own entry.  This character is the crux of my sugar challenge!  Stay tuned while I take a yoga break and collect my thoughts!