One Last Long Look at the Ocean

Any of you who love the ocean may likely be familiar with the need to take that one last long look at the ocean before you head inland. I awake today in that mood. It's early, just 6am, raining and dark. My nose is running and my sunburn from the other day (when I was at the ocean) has led to fever blisters...a drag as I head to spend the first days of togetherness with my man! However, none of this is diminishing a feeling of wonder and nostalgia as I begin my journey west today. Philadelphia has been my home for over a decade. I moved here in September of '98, first to Manayunk, the Roxborough, then downtown, then East falls, then Upper Darby. I feel lucky to have known this city intimately in lots of ways, spending time in many neighborhoods, many restaurants (love you Chloe!), most of the park system...It is a fine city and I hope those living here remember to treat it with the esteem it deserves. Yes, it has it's frustrating, why-do-I-live-here moments (parking authority and traffic come to mind), but overall it has been and always will be Philadelphia, city of Brotherly Love, with the largest urban park system in the country, a World Series winning baseball team (Go Phils!), great food, and above all great people. I'm leaving lots of friends and loved ones here. Lots of memories, lots of laughs and irritations...I am grateful to know how excited everyone is for me in this adventure (and to Dan & Mar, I'm finally letting you know ahead of time I need Friday off). I'm grateful that in this time of information tech, no one is more than an email away.

So as I take this last look at the ocean with all of my memories, I think of the vastness of the space I'm moving in to. Not the cabin of course, but the vast potential for my life! Anything can happen out there! And in here (hand on my heart). I have no idea what awaits, I only trust my heart is leading me in the best direction for me at this time. Whether this is foolishness or courage will be decided at a later date. For now, as I spiral into my center, my core and heart, as I look at my empty room, and think of the unknown I'm diving into, I also the vastness of the ocean, how there will always be unexplored areas and unknown creatures. I feel exitement moving through me and I can't help but smile... I'm ready!

Swimming Pool Tsunami

Image via Wikipedia

So there I was, lazily floating around my swimming pool of familiarity...

That's as far as I got with the entry I tried to write a few weeks ago, but I love the line so i'll start again from there.

It's Sunday night. One week left in Philadelphia. One week left of all that is familiar...though, as my dear friend Barbara pointed out, “Well, you'll be the same.” (Thank you for that, Barbara!) Yes, I am so grateful I know myself. Grateful that I know how fear is triggered within, grateful to trust that joy and love are the basis of my Self beyond those fears, and grateful that I have learned mechanisms for witnessing myself move into these unknown areas. As excited as I am to be making this transition, the question still remains: Will I make it out there? Will I be a productive member of my new community? How will my relationship change?

Truth is, even if I don't make it, even if it all goes terribly wrong, I feel I still am making the right choice for me. I am following my heart big time on this, not just following the love of my life but following the vision I've had for my own life. Many people have called me courageous. I always say foolish. Some wise friend of mine recently said the difference between the two is in the outcome of the situation which cannot be known until later. Hindisght is still 20/20.

So I hope this move is a courageous one. If it turns out to be foolish, I won't mind getting a little egg on my face.

Back to packing...

Still Surfing!

As it often happens, August flew by.  (wonder if that's because there's no national holidays?)  There will be a new entry soon...I'm winding up for the big move to Twisp, Washington and I will be writing of the transition that's taking place on almost every level of my life.  Hope you join me!