Confirmation

Last night's lack of sleep confirmed for me that there is too much sugar in my diet. I have often struggled with sleeping through the night and have a habit of waking in the middle of the night, usually between 3 and 5 a.m. Back in February I did an experiment where I removed refined sugar and wheat from my diet. I used small amounts of agave nectar in my tea and indulged in super-dark chocolate on a couple of occasions yet, other than that I was free from wheat and sugar. Boy, what a difference! Not only was I sleeping through the night, I was waking feeling rested and clear. My mood improved and I even lost a few pounds. So why is it so hard to make the simple choice to go back to where I was feeling happier, lighter, more joyful? Oh, if only that answer were easy.  Beginnings of the way in to come soon... Please, continue reading.

Love to all, may you all find your greatest joys and follow your hearts.

Returns and Beginnings

I could say that I'm back from Hawaii. Many of you have seen me physically in class, yet I am still feeling drawn to far off places mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Each day is a little easier as I ground myself into home and work and as I shift gears...more on that in a sec.

How was my trip, you ask? The english language falls short here. Using words such as amazing, wonderful, beautiful pale in comparison to the actual experience. I just re-read the intention I set the night before I left: “Fun, laughter, love, yoga and meditation, breathing in the beauty and reaching yet another level of intimacy with myself and my partner,” and I can say that all of these were fulfilled. (But then, as soon as you ask, your intention or prayer is answered.) The picture above was taken overlooking the west coast of Molokai and I hope you can see/feel the sheer Joy that was pulsing through me in that moment.

I am sure more stories of Hawaii will be told but for now let me presence myself here on the east coast.

Today is a gorgeous day, sunny with highs in the 80's. Days like this make winter feel far away. Days like this also bring to my awareness that summer is soon here, with fall following on its heels, and that my moving date will be approaching soon. I realized right before I left how I was delaying the start of clearing out things I will not be taking with me to the west. I'm imagining that I will be getting rid of over half of what I own, hopefully more. Have any of you readers undergone such a purge? I remember when my beau was in process of getting rid of things he no longer needed/wanted. He had been a DJ in Philly and had collected dozens, maybe hundreds of albums over the years. At that time I was moving back to the east coast after about a year in California and had stopped to visit on my way home. I almost offered to take them all for him until he would want them again, feeling for sure that he would miss them! A part of me as well couldn't imagine that he was giving up music. Little did I know he had no intentions of giving up music, he was just downsizing to the smaller physical space of CDs and eventually iPod. My heart leaps with joy to know that he's gone digital and is Dj-ing again. The point of this story is about the attachment to stuff. I was attached to the emotional experience of watching him spin records. I have books on my shelf and clothes in my closet that are only there because everytime I try to let them go I say, 'I might wear that', or, 'that book may come in handy.' I am sure many of you understand and have had the same experience.

However, what am I really attached to? If it was actually the thing, I probably would have at least picked it up or tried it on again more that once in the last few years. This answer will be different for many of us but for me it is a sense of, 'just in case.' Just in case I decide to study Joseph Campbell's thoughts on mythology, I have several of his books. Just in case I need to know about Shiatsu or something about yogic philosophy, I have two shelves of books! Just in case, I want to wear that dress that I've worn once and that never really fit right. Just in case I am feeling insecure about my place in the world and I need to be prepared for anything! ...Well, is that really ever possible, to be prepared for anything?

As I feel into this for myself I'm feeling how not trusting the world around us reflects a mistrust of ourselves. Insecurity within creates a feeling of insecurity in the world. So how can that change? Honestly, I'm about to find out and will be sharing my experience with you as I go through it. I have a feeling it has something to do with keeping the bigger picture in mind and trusting that whatever resources you need will be available when you need them.

Taking the leap of faith,
Maureen